What Romance Taught Me about Achieving My Dreams

Many of us avoid putting our hearts and souls into following our dreams because we’re scared of disappointment. We’re afraid our hopes will be dashed or we’ll let ourselves down. Perhaps we’re worried about what other people will think.

joshelisehands2As I’ve re-entered the dating world, I’ve learned something important about life that applies to following your dreams.

I’m trying to be different than I used to be in a romantic relationship. I’m focusing on showing up fully as myself, opening my heart, being willing to be vulnerable and fully honest.  I’m trying to express how I feel, even when that might risk the relationship ending.

There is a risk involved when you do this. Your heart can get broken.

Yet, I realize now that much of the way I showed up in my marriage was about protecting my heart and expecting so little that I couldn’t be disappointed. I’m determined not to do that again. Did this half-hearted, self-protecting stance lead to the very thing I was trying to avoid? Perhaps. It certainly didn’t help.

I think this fear of being hurt in relationships is akin to the fear of disappointment many of us experience in goal-setting. We’re afraid of setting our hearts on something, only to suffer disappointment, self-judgment or ridicule. Defeat can be heart-breaking. So we go about our goal-setting in a half-committed way because we want to protect our hearts.

One of the realizations that came to me as I entered a new relationship was that I could get hurt. I was operating a bit out of fear, holding back because my heart could get broken.

Then, one day I came to this realization that I’d passed the point of no return. If this relationship didn’t work out, I was going to be hurt – no doubt about it. Just admitting that to myself, relieved something that allowed me to take those barriers off my heart and risk showing up fully as myself. Yes, I could get hurt, but I was going to get hurt anyway if it didn’t work out. And a case could be made that the only hope the relationship has is for me to show up fully.

If you go through your whole life and you know you could have created the life you wanted, but you didn’t try, or only half-tried, you’re going to be hurt. Whether you abdicate your ability to create or whether you give it your all and it doesn’t pan out, you’re going to get hurt. Yet, odds are, if you give it your all, you will get something. I believe God grants us according to our desires. And if we throw our hearts and souls behind our desires and do what we can, we will get something good in the end.

But if you don’t show up fully because you’re afraid of failure or being hurt, you’re destined to fail and you’re destined for disappointment.

So give it your all! Throw yourself 100% into your dreams. It’s the only way you can even hope to achieve them. And in the end you will know that you gave it your best shot, that you gave it your all. That alone, builds self-worth and shapes you into a person of character.

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About Marnie Pehrson Kuhns

Marnie Pehrson Kuhns is a Certified SimplyAlign Practitioner™ who uses music and creativity to mentor you past barriers, fears and doubts to discover, create, align with, and deliver your soul’s song (the mission, message or purpose you are on this earth to live). Marnie is a best-selling author with 31 fiction and nonfiction titles. If you'd like Marnie and her husband Dave to work with you personally on Your Great Reinvention, get a FREE 20-minute strategy session with Marnie here.